


Real Life Problems Online

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Happy Ending, I promise, M/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-07 06:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/745519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Idea recieved from: http://fuck-slayer.tumblr.com/post/33060726019/one-time-dave-and-karkat-got-into-a-fight-the-day</p><p>one time dave and karkat got into a fight the day before their anniversary and dave got really pissed off and said some things that really crossed a line and karkat just got really quiet and left.<br/>the next morning he found a stuffed possum dressed like a southern belle with a parasol and everything that karkat bought him sitting on the counter and he had never felt more guilty in his entire life</p><p>Enjoy my crappy pesterlogs!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Real Life Problems Online

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  at 10:39 --  
TT: David Strider.  
TG: fuck  
TG: full name  
TT: What did you even do to accomplish such a feat as this?  
TG: i have no idea what you are talking about  
TT: David, do not deny it; I know it was you; there is no other reason plausible or more comprehendible for this situation.  
TG: fuck  
TG: is this about karkat  
TT: What do you believe this is about?  
TG: karkat right???  
TT: And if it is about Karkat?  
TG: stop with your bullshit  
TG: i didnt mean to shout at him ok  
TG: it was an accident  
TG: i didn’t mean the things i said  
TT: Ah! I knew that you were the cause for Kanaya’s concern for our dear friend. I knew you were the reason to get Karkat so upset that Kanaya had to go talk to him. There just wasn’t another reasonable explanation; Karkat never lets anyone affect him as badly as you can and did.  
TG: you didnt know this whole time  
TG: and you just played me like a fiddle  
TG: made me spill the beans to you  
TG: fuck you  
TT: And just for that I have informed our friends of Karkat’s recent disability.  
TG: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!  
TT: Please do enjoy the waves of messages you are about to receive.  
TT: Good night.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  at 10:53 --

 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:53 --  
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D TO K4RK4T? >:?  
GC: ROS3 S41D H3S UPS3T  
TG: its nothing to worry your tits about tz

 

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling turntechGodhead  [TG] at 10:55 --  
TA: what the fuck diid you even 2ay two hiim two make hiim up2et?  
TG: nothing that concerns your nosy little nose  
\-- turntechGodhead  [TG]  blocked twinArmageddons [TA] \--

 

\-- gardenGnostalgic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:56 --  
GG: what did you even do to make karkat get upset??? :o  
TG: hell get over it dont worry

 

GC: T3LL M3333333!!!!  
TG: no  
TG: go the fuck away and leave me be

 

\-- ghostlyTrickster  [GT]  began pestering turntechGodhead  [TG]  at 10:56 --  
GT: dave! what did you do???  
GT: i just got a message from rose saying that karkat has recently had an emotional turn around and has stormed off.  
GT: what did you do?????  
TG: nothing!!!!!

 

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] unblocked themselves --  
TA: iit clearly doe2 concern me iif iit ii2 makiing KK act diiferent  
TG: OH MY GOD YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE JUST GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!!  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked twinArmageddons [TA] \--

 

\-- caligulasAquarium  [CA] began trolling turntechGodhead  [TG] at 10:57 --  
CA: wway to go on makin the most angry troll upset  
CA: shit head  
TG: fuck you and your creepy purple text

 

\-- grimAuxilliatrix  [GA] began trolling turntechGodhead  [TG]  at 10:57 \--  
GA: You Are In So Much Trouble You Dont Even Know Youre In It Yet  
TG: i know im in deep shit I just havent realised what i have to do to get out of it

 

GT: you’re lying to me!  
GT: don’t lie to me, dave.  
GT: what did you do?????  
TG: i got mad and yelled at him, said some things i shouldn’t have said  
TG: and i havent seen him since he stormed out of the house last night and it was supposed to be our anniversary today and i dont have him and i have no fucking clue what to fuck to do except wallow in my pit of shame for the rest of my life and let the pain of whatever fate be accepted

 

\-- arscenicCatnip [AC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:00 --  
AC: :33 < what happened to even make karkitty act so sad??  
TG: no cat puns  
TG: fuck  
TG: i am in so much shit  
AC: :33 < yes you are, mister!

 

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] unblocked themselves --  
TA: ii can do thii2 all day  
TG: fffffffffffffffffffffffffff  
TA: what diid you do?  
TA: that2 all ii want two know  
TG: stfu and gtfo!!!!!!!!!!!!  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked twinArmageddons [TA] –-

 

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:03 --  
TC: YoU aRe In So MuCh MoThErFuCkInG tRoUbLe >:o(  
TG: fuck no  
TG: not now  
TG: fuck this juggalo guy just fuck this  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG]blocked terminallyCapricious  [TC] \--

 

GG: dave!  
GG: you can tell me what happened!  
TG: ASFGAFJIEIGWEGJNVNMDKMIKJAFIKAIKFJQIFKJQWFJQKFJ

 

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] blocked arscenicCatnip [AC]  \--

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]blocked gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked gardenGnostalgic [GG] \--

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked ghostlyTrickster [GT] \--

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked caligulasAquarium  [CA] \--

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG] blocked grimAuxilliatrix  [GA] \--

  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started a new memo ‘stop messaging me already!!!!!!!’ --  
TG: the title says it all  
TG: so just shut the fuck up and stop messaging me  
TG: that is why i blocked you all and i plan to keep it that way until things are sorted out  
\-- grimAuxilliatrix [GA] responded to memo ‘stop messaging me already!!!!!!’ at 11:07 --  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] banned grimAuxilliatrix [GA] from responding to memo ‘stop messaging me already!!!!!!!’ at 11:07--  
TG: let me speak woman  
TG: look  
TG: i got mad  
TG: said things that i shouldn’t have said  
TG: karkat got mad and stormed out of the house for good reason  
TG: last night was torture to me  
TG: just like this creepy possum with a parasol wearing a god damned dress that karkat got me  
TG: god damn its even worse than lil cal  
\-- ghostlyTrickster [GT] responded to memo ‘stop messaging me already!!!!!!’ at 11:14 --  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] banned ghostlyTrickster [GT] from responding to memo ‘stop messaging me already!!!!!!!’ at 11:14--  
TG: no  
TG: just  
TG: no  
TG: no one goes on here  
TG: and if you are reading this karkat  
TG: im sorry  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo ‘stop messaging me already!!!!!!’ at 11:16 --  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] banned tentacleTherapist [TT] from responding to memo ‘stop messaging me already!!!!!!!’ at 11:16--  
\-- twinArmageddons [TA] unbanned tentacleTherapist [TT] from responding to memo ‘stop messaging me already!!!!!!!’ at 11:16--  
TT: Bravo, dear brother, bravo. A public apology has been created and displayed and I applaud you for your bravery.  
TG: oh for the love of  
TG: jhrffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff  
TT: You should probably remove your head from the keyboard before you leave a scratch on your sunglasses or a mark on your skin from the keys.  
TG: fffffffffffffffffffffffffffsss im up im up  
TG: now everyone go the fuck away  
TT: There is no reason that is visible to do such an action.  
TG: there is  
TG: because i said so  
TG: now gtfo!  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] closed memo ‘stop messaging me already!!!!!!!’ at 11:23–-

 

\-- grimAuxilliatrix [GA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:36 --  
TG: please tell me you found him please tell me you found him please tell me you found him  
GA: I Have Located Karkat And Have Decided To Inform You That Yes You Are In So Much Trouble That You Are Lucky To Not Be Drowning In It  
TG: thank fuck and im surprised that im not dead from suffocation too  
GA: You Will Be Promised That Our Next Encounter Will Not Be Entirely Too Pleasant As Most Of Them Are  
TG: oh shit  
GA: ‘oh shit’ Indeed  
GA: And You Should Probably Watch Out For Gamzee Considering He Isnt Too Happy Either  
GA: Neither Are Sollux Terezi Or Nepeta As A Matter Of Fact  
TG: fuck  
GA: Yes  
GA: I Hope You Have A Terribly Awful Day Filled With Guilt And Worry  
GA: Farewell  
TG: shit  
\-- grimAuxilliatrix [GA] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:49 --

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering terminallyCapricious [TC] at 18:22 --  
TG: ok dude  
TG: i know you are mad at me making your diamond buddy all sad  
TG: but dumping garbage on my bed while i was shopping?  
TG: that shit is just overkill  
TC: A mOtHeRfUcKeR lIkE yOu DeSeRvEs A lOt WoRsE tHaN wHaT yOu GoT  
TC: YoU sHoUlD tHaNk Me FoR rEsTrAiNiNg MySeLf FrOm DoInG mOrE  
TG: yeah no  
TG: not happening  
TG: just stay the fuck out of our house  
TC: ‘our house’?  
TG: go the fuck away creepy clown guy  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked terminallyCapricious [TC] at 18:28 --

 

 -- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA] at 12: 36 --  
TG: i hate you so fucking much  
TG: my nipples seriously haven’t stopped hurting for the past three hours  
TG: you didnt even say anything  
TG: just saw me walking along  
TG: and you crossed the street  
TG: walked right up to me  
TG: and gave me a fucking nipple crippler????????  
TG: my nipples are going to be wounded for the rest of my life  
GA: You Did Deserve It  
GA: And I Needed To Make Sure You Were Punished Enough Before Karkat Decides To Head Back Home  
TG: fuck you and your fanatics  
GA: I Do Believe I Am Fine As Of Now  
GA: Possibly Another Time In An Alternate Dimension  
TG: that can be arranged  
GA: I Was Joking If You Hadnt Noticed  
TG: i noticed alright  
GA: You Deserved That  
TG: fuck you for being right  
GA: Youre Welcome  
  \-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA]  at 12: 36 --

 -- carcinoGeneticits [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead  [TG]  at 19: 58 --  
TG: oh my god  
TG: look  
TG: im so terribly sorry  
CG: DAVE.  
TG: i didnt mean what i said  
TG: i meant nothing of what i had previously said that would have offended you  
CG: DAVE.  
TG: nothing of it  
TG: it just came out in a moment of anger  
CG: DAVE.  
TG: im so so sorry and i didnt mean any of it and i just want you home  
CG: THEN OPEN UP THE GOD DAMNED FRONT DOOR.  
TG: .......  
TG: you better not be fucking joking.........


End file.
